Guilt and shame of an evening
Bananas
N95 masks
Veggies
Bread
Milk
Why do I have to remind myself to buy vegetables? A recurring entry on my weekly grocery list.
This poem is not about the pandemic.
When I noticed the time
7.10 pm
and I realized it was too late to call my mother at the assisted living facility
I felt relief
She calls Grace Haven home now.
I feel grief
that her memories of my childhood
have faded. Selfish.
I used to rely on those stories
to fill in the gaps in my autobiography.
Living with Aphantasia and deficient episodic memory for me is like
starting every day with an almost blank slate of life experience.
I rely on others to remind me of
those moments we've shared.
I have to remind myself of the skills I've learned over 50 years but I can't relive those learning moments.
Will old age feel as bad for me
-- my mother decribes suffering due to her memory loss and aphasia --
since I don't have those memories to begin with?
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